When I started questioning my gender during the summer of 2014, I didn’t think it would change how I acted toward my child. I’d seen enough people go through gender transitions that I knew the person inside doesn’t really change, just how they present themselves to the world. And how I treat my child didn’t really change. What did change is that I finally stopped beating myself up for not being the mom that society seemed to say I should be, and embraced my own style of parenting.
I was assigned female at birth, but have never really felt at home in that gender, and in 2014, I started exploring my manly side. I went from identifying as genderless, to some sort of genderqueer or gender questioning, to transmasculine, and then to trans male and finally simply male. It may continue to change, or it may solidify there – either way, this blog documents and will continue to document the evolution of my identity.
I’m also the parent of a six-year-old daughter – gave birth and nursed her and watched her learn to walk and talk and eventually go off to school. She still calls me Mommy, and that doesn’t bother me in the sense of making me uncomfortable, although it does out me when we’re in public. But I’ve also never felt like a mother, so Mommy has always been a title more than a role for me. I don’t know that I’m a Daddy, either. When I first conceived this blog, I called myself a “manly mom.” The post Manly Mom explains a bit about that. Now that I identify more clearly as male, I prefer a more definitely male title, and so I’ve been calling myself Mr. Mom.
Through this blog, I hope to explore the path of a trans parent and show that we can do a good job at it too. Whether you’re a butch mom or a trans or genderqueer parent or a gay or lesbian parent or however you identify, what matters most is that your child has you.